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| I moved today! For the next 9 months I have committed to live on my own in an old but spacious apartment in central COS. No more crazy family, no more 45 minute one-way trip to work, or anywhere else for that matter. Just quiet, and peace, or noise if I want it. I have great plans for the next 9 months! But for the meantime my only plan is sleep, as I am quite exhausted from the move. More to come on apartment adventures. | | |
| "They tell me I must bruise
The rose's leaf,
Ere I can keep and use
Its frangrance brief.
"They tell me I must break
The skylark's heart,
Ere her cage song will make
The silence start.
"They tell me love must bleed,
And friendship weep,
Ere in my deepest need
I touch that deep.
"Must it be always so
With precious things?
Must they be bruised and go
With beaten wings?
"Ah, yes! by crushing days,
By caging nights, by scar
Of thorn and stony ways,
These blessings are!"
Sometimes life sucks and I want to give up on caring about it, just be numb. Maybe a more appropriate quote would have been Hebrews 12, because that's where I'm at, being disciplined and riding between despair and hope, but somehow, hopefully learning to cease such sins as self-seeking, pride, bitterness and strife. Self-seeking is a sin!! I read it just a day ago! Talk about conviction! It seems to be the reason for all other sins. I definitely need grace, in the midst of this discipline, to be trained by it. I am starting to understand the great importance of that discipline, and welcome it, when I remember that importance. I'm so glad that He gives us grace to make it through.
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| A request for reflection, huh? Well, let's start with my current circumstances and see if I get reflective...
I'm sure everyone is quite clear about the definition of a blackout, but what about a whiteout? Yes, for those of you north of, say, Oklahoma, whiteout may be a word in your personal dictionary. For the rest of you, a whiteout is what happens when the snow that is coming down, along with the snow already on the ground, are carried at high speeds through the air to such an extreme that one is unable to see 10 feet in front of oneself. Oh, and then there's walking around in it and facing the wind and finding oneself in extreme pain as the wind slaps the sand-like, icy snow in one's face. Today, eastern COlorado experienced a whiteout. My place of work did not cancel until after 9 o'clock this morning, but I kind of refused to go to work anyway. It was a good thing, since the highway I live off of has been closed since about 10 o'clock this morning. THen there was the adventure of getting more firewood. That's where the pain from the wind and snow was experienced.
So, I've tucked myself away in my room all day, avoiding the family and their noise. I've watched movies, read books, and been generally lazy. A good preparation for a small break starting next week. 
Meh, no reflections for Xanga at this time...
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| What I want to know is: Where did all of my reflection time go??? I do love to write and reflect, and, once upon a time starting about a year ago, I eagerly filled these pages with my thoughts, analogies, joys, and sorrows. Now, I live life, and it's busy! I thought that college was busy, but I've now found a busier life, without downtime during the day, with chores to take care of after hours, and the most purposeful effort involved in obtaining and keeping friends...they no longer live next door :( The walk with God has become much more practical and much less emotional, which is both good and bad, I suppose. I know I need to praise always, so I make myself, especially when I'd rather be depressed. The ins and outs of daily life seem to be coming at me so fast that I don't have time to ponder them. Instead I ponder my budget and how soon I can get myself out of school debt, or the best route to work this morning since the roads are icy, or which friends' weddings I will attend! Once upon a time, I eagerly enjoyed sitting in silence, allowing my mind to wander. Now, when I have a rare free minute, I need some mindless activity like television or I go crazy! Yesterday, we had a blizzard. I was stuck in a house with two dogs all day and no power for 5 of those hours. I did not know what to do with myself, so I slept. Am I depressed, no...just busy and preoccupied and tired, to the point of forgetting how to relax. I hope all of adult life isn't like this. I hope this is a season that will go, so I can comfortably sit in silence and ponder my purpose, my past, present, and future... | | |
| "Hold on, my heart, in thy believing- The steadfast only wins the crown; He who, when stormy winds are heaving, Parts with its anchor, shall go down; But he who Jesus holds through all, Shall stand, though Heaven and earth should fall. Hold out! There comes an end to sorrow; Hope from the dust shall conquering rise; The storm foretells a summer's morrow; The Cross points on to Paradise; The Father reighneth! cease all doubt; Hold on, my heart, hold on, hold out." | | |
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